Blogging about things makes me feel better about them. This is such a strange phenomenon for me. I’m not the kind of person who shares me feelings freely and openly unless you ask me to. If you ask me how I feel about something, I’ll be honest. Brutally, refreshingly honest.
But a computer can’t ask me to share my thoughts. A computer can’t say, Oh, Ashley, please do tell me and the entire internet how your day went and what you felt about that situation and the most recent guy you’ve fallen for. A computer can’t care.
Then why do I write? Why do I put my thoughts down on the metaphorical paper of a personal website? Why does it matter to me to express myself here, when I know there are people around me who would love to be there for me when I need to rant and rave?
I’m not alone. I’ve never been alone in my life – not really, even when I feel like the whole world is against me. I have friends and a family and faith in a God who listens to my prayers. Why do I need a blog?
Maybe that’s what writing is for me – a prayer. Maybe these blogs are opportunities for me to speak with God without closing my eyes and folding my hands.
Maybe I leave most of these posts public because I feel there is something to learn from them. Maybe it’s just easier. I don’t know. Maybe this blog is a replacement for the emptiness of being single – because, yes, I am a happy and healthy single person, but sometimes I feel like there is something missing in my life.
Honestly? Your guess is as good as mine. I like to believe I have a blog so I can practice my writing, but we both know (because if you’ve found this blog, you must either know me pretty well or you must think me worthy of stalking – Hello, yes, how are you, I’m alright and you must know that I’m flattered, but seriously just ask me if you have any questions about me because that’s what face-to-face communication is for) that’s probably not the whole truth.
There’s always something deeper, and there’s always some purpose just below the surface.